ArtemisRabid Goat with Mystical Monkey Powers
by Reverend Bluejeans
Summary: what happens when Artemis meets a girl named Yolanda and tries to help her get revenge?
1. Prolouge

Mystical Monkey Powers Prologue  
Looking at the city of Washington, you would never expect some of the things found there. Normal things, such as crime, law-suits, and traffic are of course there. But things such as rabid goats with mystical monkey powers are a rare find, especially in the inner cities. But one may get the chance to see the one in Washington- if they're lucky. His name is Morgan, and he likes to push things off the Washington monument. He has killed about fifty people with his crazy obsession. Now, you may be wondering why officials haven't rounded him up yet. Let me assure you, they have tried. He simply refuses to cooperate. Right now, they are devising a plan to trick and catch him so that no other harm can come to any innocent tourists. But is the government really the right people to be making this plan? Or is there someone better?  
  
((confusing right now, but it'll get better! Really! At least, I think so... but u go and hit that little "review" button and you can tell me what YOU think! :-D)) 


	2. Chapter one

Chapter one  
As she stared out of her bedroom window on that hot August night, that was just what Yolanda Thelman was thinking. Was there someone better for the job? Could she herself find a way to rid the city of its rabid goat with mystical monkey powers? As she was about to search her mind to see if she knew of any way, she heard a knock on her door.  
"Honey, can I come in?" Her mom's soft voice came through the hard wood of her door.  
"I guess." Yolanda wasn't in the mood to have another of the heart-to- heart talks that her mother seemed to love so much. As her mom opened the door, came in, and sat on the bed, Yolanda crawled up on her bed and pulled down the pink comforter on top of her bed so that she could be more comfortable.  
'I'm really much too old to be having a pink room.' She thought to herself for the hundredth time that day. At fourteen years of age, her mother still thought that she would be her little girl for all of eternity.  
  
"I heard about your break-up." Her mother jolted her out of her thoughts.  
"I-it's nothing. It doesn't matter. He was a jerk." Yolanda lied. She found herself lying often nowadays.  
"I don't think so. I think you loved him."  
"No I didn't! I didn't love him, and I never will! I'll never date again!" She turned on her side to face the wall and block out her mother's useless words. Her friends had tried the same thing at school today. She couldn't stand it. She hated pity.  
"Okay, I'll just be leaving now." Her mother said as she got up and started to leave. When she got to the doorway, she stopped, and said in her softest voice. "I still think you'll change your mind."  
  
((I know, it's REALLY stupid right now. But it's just the beg. I had to lay out the background. Sorry.....)) 


	3. Chapter two

Chapter two  
Far across the world, in a secret place few knew about, another daughter was disgusted at her parents. Artemis's father, Zeus, had, yet again, managed to wreck the joint. He had declared a new law that said everyone must give half of every harvest to him. Everyone meaning the humans that lived around Olympus, that is. Well, Artemis wasn't going to tolerate her father treating the housewives that bad. She was going to straight to him and tell him to. What? What could she tell him that would change his mind? Well, she had to try. She was their protector and all. So she stomped up to his temple, banged the door open and started right in on the accusations.  
"How could you take away the very food that you gave them? How do you expect them to survive? Why can't you simply conjure up your food by yourself, as you often do? Why, Father, why?"  
"Now Artemis, I know you are upset, but this is all for the good of the people. I know you don't understand now, but you will." Zeus, of course, remained calm through almost anything. "Now, if you would excuse me, I must take care of some important issues."  
As her father got off his throne and walked out the door, Artemis felt the anger that had built up inside of her come surging out.  
"No, I will not excuse you! You kill your own people, you are an inconsiderate fool. All you care about is yourself, you selfish baboon! You are worse than Hades himself! I hate you!" She hadn't meant to say all that, but as she did, she realized that that was what she really felt. She ran past him and out the door, down the street, and didn't stop until she got to the ocean. She took a boat to America, and traveled by foot to the city of Washington. As she stepped onto the curb on 67th avenue, she heard the yell of an adolescent girl come through one of the upper windows of an apartment building.  
"I'll never date again!"  
It sounded as if she had come to the right place.  
  
((A/N: hi! U like it so far? I hope so! I do! But I'm not gonna put anymore up till I get some reviews!)) 


	4. Chapter three

Chapter three  
"I hate her. I hate them. I hate everybody." Yolanda muttered to herself as she tried to fall asleep. "And I especially hate Dilbert."  
It had been three months. A record. For her, at least. She thought he had loved her, so she returned his love. But he turned out to be a jerk. Just another heartless boy with no real intentions of staying together longer than it was worth.  
"He probably forgot me already." She mumbled sadly to herself. "He probably didn't even like me."  
"Oh, I wouldn't say that." An unexpected and unfamiliar voice made her roll over. A tall woman, with a sort of toga on stood in front of her.  
"W-Who are you?" Yolanda heard herself asking.  
"Why, I'm Artemis. Protector of children and women in childbirth." The strange woman replied.  
"I'm not a child." The other option seemed even more ridiculous.  
"No.."  
"Then what do you want?" Yolanda sounded angry, even to herself. But in truth, she was really just scared.  
"I want to help you."  
"With what?"  
"Your problem."  
"What problem?" Like she had a problem. Oh yeah, there was a strange woman standing in the middle of the room, looking like she should be in a Greek mythology book.  
"You know what I'm talking about." The woman had an alluring sense about her. Something that made you want to get to know her even more.  
"Okay, fine." Yolanda figured she may as well confess. She really didn't mind that much, when it came to the truth. Having someone to share it with would make her feel a lot better.  
"Well, what's the story?" This woman could really be very agitating sometimes. "C'mon, out with it!"  
"I guess it all started three months ago, when I met him."  
"Who? Who did you meet?"  
"This guy named Dilbert. I met him on Memorial Day, at the festival on 69th street. I fell in love with him. I thought he loved me back. But he was a jerk. He dumped me today."  
"Well, you really don't need this guy, do you?" The woman was getting on her nerves again. "I really have no patience with men."  
"Oh?" After sitting for a moment in silence, except for the humming of the street cars below my window, I decided to ask my question again. "Who are you?"  
"I told you. I am Artemis. Protector of children and women in childbirth." Artemis sounded agitated, as if I were an idiot or something.  
"Right. Where are you from?"  
"Mount Olympus." Yolanda couldn't help myself. She cracked up.  
"You mean- home of the Greek gods or whatever?"  
"The very place."  
"You're telling me that you're this god who protects children and women or whatever, and you just happened to find a way into my house at." She looked over to my bedside stand to see her clock. "Eleven o'clock at night?"  
"Yes, that sounds about right." Artemis thought for a minute. "Only it's women in childbirth, dear."  
"Okay, whatever." We sat in silence, neither of us sure exactly what to say next. Finally, Yolanda broke the silence. "So what are you going to do now?"  
"I'm going to help you." She was talking with pity in her voice-the one thing that Yolanda truly hate. "I thought you knew that already."  
"Well, I didn't." She was tired, and all she wanted to do was to go to sleep. "And I don't want you to, either."  
"Now, now. I think you do." Her voice changed. Now it sounded like she was talking to a three-year-old. "What if I said that you could get revenge on this 'Dilbert' you hate so much?"  
Now, there was an idea. Revenge. Even the word sounds good. Yolanda sat there in silence for a few moments, thinking this over.  
"What kind of revenge?" She carefully chose my words, so that they sounded like she wasn't too desperate, but was definitely interested.  
"The kind that hurts." Now, Artemis was her kind of girl. "Just as he hurt you."  
"Sounds good." It did, too.  
  
((um, sorry if I switched pov's. I tried to change it all, but... I could've missed something. Pleez tell me if you like or hate it. Either one, I'd just like to know what you think of this...)) 


	5. chapter four

Chapter four  
Now, you may be thinking what the rabid goat with mystical monkey powers has to do with all of this. Don't worry, good friends, it will all come in good time. Everything will come together just as the Morai planned it to. Not that they had much time to think about Yolanda, let alone the rabid goat with mystical monkey powers. They were out getting some 'Got' milk for Hades. He needed to eat his serving of 'Hungry God' cereal every day. But there was no milk to be found in his kingdom. So he sent the Morai out for milk. As chance may have it, they were coming out of the store just as Yolanda and Artemis were going in. As you will soon see, Artemis had devised a plan over the night, and in the morning had woken Yolanda up to go get the supplies. As Artemis told Yolanda to go in, she walked up to the Morai to see if they would tell her something.  
"My dear ol-young friends, how simply spiffing to see you! Yo-"  
"What do you want?" The shortest of the three said.  
"W-well, I was just wondering if you could tell me about this girl, Yolanda, that I'm helping."  
"What about her?" The tallest one implied.  
"I was just wondering if she was worth my trouble."  
"Well, let's see. Yolanda, you say..." The middle one spoke, then huddled the other two up to discuss the matter. When she turned back around, she had an evil sparkle in her eye. "Yolanda will be fine in time. You know what to do, don't you, my dear?"  
"Well, I think so."  
"Everything will work out in good time." The middle one said this, then motioned for the other two to follow, and they walked away to deliver their milk.  
"I hope you're right." Artemis mumbled as they walked away. 


	6. chapter five

Chapter five  
On her way out of the store, Yolanda saw a strange sight. Three old women arguing over something that looked discreetly like an eyeball.  
"You're just imagining things again." She muttered to herself, trying to get the image out of her mind. It was impossible, anyways. Sharing an eyeball. What a silly thought. Although, that's what she would have said about the rabid goat with mystical monkey powers that Artemis had told her about last night. Until she saw it with her own two eyes.  
Yes, folks, the rabid goat with mystical monkey powers is back! 


	7. chapter six

Chapter six  
"So, did you get it?" Artemis asked Yolanda the second she stepped out the door.  
"Of course I got it! What, do you think I have some 'Hungry God' in here?" The little ungrateful brat was trying Artemis's patience.  
"Okay, good. Let's get to work." Artemis led the way to the western end of the National Mall, where the Washington Monument is located.  
"Where did he go?" Yolanda didn't have the best eyes in the world, and she refused to wear glasses, or even contacts.  
"Why, he's right up there. Past the barrier on the top." Artemis sometimes forgot that humans didn't share the same powers that she had.  
"Oh. So, how're we going to get him down again?" Artemis was really started to get annoyed. She had explained the plan to Yolanda three times already.  
"We're going to get Morgan down, convince him to help us, and get revenge on Dilbert." Artemis replied, exasperated.  
"Oh. O-" Yolanda didn't have time to finish her sentence because right at that moment a sixty-ton semi came crashing down from atop the Washington Monument.  
"Ahhhhh!" Artemis screamed as she pulled Yolanda and herself to the other side of the street. "Whew! That was close. We must be more careful."  
"Yeah. I would say so." Artemis had never heard the tone of voice that Yolanda used when saying those words. It was half angry, half scared, with a bit of sarcasm mixed in. Artemis wished she could learn to speak like that. "So what are we going to do now?"  
"I'm going get my brother, Apollo. He should be able to help us." Artemis, in truth, thought it up while she was saying it. She wasn't sure it was the best of plans, but she had to have something.  
"Apollo. Hmm... nice names you two have." There was another tone of voice that Artemis wished she could imitate. Most of the time she came off sounding pessimistic, even when she wasn't. "How are you going to get a hold of him?"  
"You'll see." Artemis closed her eyes, and concentrated on calling her brother. When she contacted him, and ensured he was coming, she turned back to Yolanda. "He'll be here soon. 


	8. Chapter seven

Chapter seven  
Indeed, an hour later, Apollo walked up and gave Yolanda his eyebrow raise. Yes, eyebrow raise. You might be wondering how this is done. It is a complicated procedure, and few have the unique gift of doing it. It involves lifting ones eyebrows so that they are slightly cockeyed, and tilting your head exactly the right way. It makes any guy who can do it look extremely hot. Although, Apollo didn't really need it. He and Artemis were two of the most beautiful people on the planet. But anyways, back to the story.  
"So, sis, what do you need my help on?" He asked Artemis, all the while staring at Yolanda. Yolanda didn't really look all that bad, he had to admit. She had light brown hair, green eyes, and was pretty tall. Not bad at all, for a human.  
"We need to get Morgan down."  
"What, that goat's still here?"  
"You know of him, too?" Yolanda piped up.  
"Of course!" In truth, he himself had placed Morgan in Washington. He was too much of a hassle on Mount Olympus. "So, what do you want me to do?"  
As Artemis explained, Yolanda took the time to check Apollo out. He had a good build, even for a god. Yolanda knew from school that Apollo was ruler of the day, while Artemis was ruler of the night. Other than that, and the fact that he was really hot, she didn't know anything about him.  
"Okay, are you ready to go?" Artemis asked both of them.  
"Yeah, I think so. This is going to be tricky, though." Apollo was a bit apprehensive of this plan.  
"How about you, Yolanda?" Artemis must have seen that she wasn't paying attention.  
"Oh-uh, yeah, I'm ready."  
"Good. Let's go." 


	9. Chapter eight

Chapter eight  
  
One might expect that capturing a rabid goat with mystical monkey powers was no picnic. Believe me when I say, it wasn't. At least not for Artemis, Apollo, and Yolanda. For Morgan, it was a thrill of a lifetime. It came pretty close to throwing semis off the Washington Monument. Well, in any case, it took a lot out of our poor dear Morgan. He was not what he used to be, and not what he is now. But that is another story to be told another time.  
For now, I will make the story short so that you will not get bored with useless details. Around four o'clock the next morning, they had Morgan tied to a bike rack with magical ropes supplied by Apollo. Morgan struggled, and even tried to use his mystical monkey powers to get free, but Apollo's ropes held firmly.  
Around five o'clock that morning, Artemis got done explaining what she wanted Morgan to do. It was quite simple, really. All he needed to do was to use some of his mystical monkey powers to scare Dilbert and make him sorry for dumping Yolanda.  
But Morgan, of course, couldn't leave well enough alone. 


	10. Chapter nine

Chapter nine  
Around five thirty on the morning of August tenth, Dilbert Kedman heard a noise outside his window. It was not a usual city noise, Dilbert knew that right away. With that knowledge came a fear. A fear that he had heard about, but never experienced. A fear that crept its way into its victims, making them wait for the worst.  
What was this fear? It was the fear of something unusual happening. Dilbert knew it with his mind, body, and soul that something was about to happen that was not normal. Something that would make him regret what he had done in the past.  
"WHEEOOO!" A disembodied voice came through his bedroom window.  
"AAHH! Get out, right now!" Dilbert screamed, then tried to recover himself. It didn't work too well. He sounded too artificial. He noticed that himself.  
"I don't think so, Dilbert." The disembodied voice was starting to really creep him out.  
"How do you know my name?" He sounded like someone out of a book.  
"I know everything, young man." Now this was getting out of hand. A disembodied voice that knew everything? Impossible. "It's not impossible."  
It could read his mind. Now that was just freaky.  
"Of course I can read your mind."  
He couldn't move, even if he wanted to. It wasn't from fear, either. It was from some invisible force holding him to the spot. Dilbert struggled, but he couldn't get free.  
"Now, you will listen to me. Tomorrow morning, you will come to the Washington Monument to see me. You will bring peanut butter and a jug of water. Get the crunchy kind. You will meet me there, and I will tell you what you need to do. Got it?" The voice paused for a moment before saying one parting word. "Good."  
Dilbert was released of his 'trance' and he flopped down on the bed to mull over what had just happened to him. 


	11. Chapter ten

Chapter ten  
  
One might think what peanut butter, a rabid goat with mystical monkey powers, a girl named Yolanda, and a goddess named Artemis have to do with one another. Add in a guy named Dilbert and another god named Apollo and it gets even more interesting. Adding the Morai in would be almost unspeakable, and after that... well, we must go there. After that is my dear friend Reverend Bluejeans. He was once an excellent pair of jeans, but due to an accident with a young man named Mr. Black, he is now old, bedraggled, and well... glued together. Now, what does he have to do with the story? Well, he is Morgan's friend who was convinced to act on his behalf, for awhile.  
When Dilbert walked onto the sidewalk near the Washington Monument, he did not expect to see a pair of blue jeans so plainly in sight. Even if they were bedraggled, one did not see many chairs with blue jeans sitting on them in the middle of the sidewalk many places. But that was just the sight that greeted Dilbert's eyes as he walked up to the Washington Monument. And not only that, but the blue jeans appeared to be talking. To him.  
"Hello young fellow. My name is... well, that's not important, is it? Did you get my peanut butter?" Dilbert held up the jar of crunchy peanut butter that he had gone out and bought this morning. "Very good. And my water?" Dilbert held that up, too. "Now, set them down, there you go." As soon as both items were set down in a safe area, Morgan, on top of the Monument, let his mystical monkey powers take over. 


	12. Chapter eleven

Chapter eleven  
  
Of course, Reverend Bluejeans can't speak. If he could, it would be very extraordinary. As it was, he sat there like a good pair of jeans, listening to Morgan and Dilbert's conversation.  
Because of course, Morgan was the one talking to Dilbert. He would not have had it any other way. He stood on the top of the Washington Monument, watching Dilbert apparently 'talking' to Reverend Bluejeans. Whenever his beloved peanut butter was safely set down, a eighty-ton semi came crashing down a foot from where Dilbert used to be standing.  
Used to be standing because, as anyone knows, if an eighty-ton semi is crashing towards you, you are going to run. Run is exactly what Dilbert did. All the way to his house to climb underneath his covers and think.  
After five hours of thinking, he finally came to a conclusion. This must be some sick joke Yolanda played on him to get him back for dumping her. Well, he certainly would think twice about dumping another girl again. This experience had just freaked him out. 


End file.
